《美丽英文:上帝的笑》

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美丽英文:上帝的笑- 第1部分


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花样年华 第一章(1)
领 养
  戴比·莫恩老师的一年级学生们正在就一张全家福讨论着。
  照片中有一个小男孩的发色与其他家庭成员的发色有所不同。其中一个学生说这个小男孩可能是领养的。
  一个名叫乔瑟琳·杰的小女孩说道:“我知道所有有关领养的事,因为我就是一个被领养的孩子。”
  “领养是怎么回事呢?”另一个孩子问。
  乔瑟琳回答说:“领养的意思就是你是在妈妈的心里长大的,而不是在她的肚子里。”
  Adopt
  Teacher Debbie Moon’s first graders were discussing a picture of a family。
  One little boy in the picture had a different color hair from the other family members。 One child suggested that maybe he was adopted。
  A little girl named Jocelyn Jay said; “I know all about adoptions; because I was adopted。”
  “What does it mean to be adopted? ” asked another child。
  Jocelyn replied;“It means that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy。”
  苏格兰人和售票员
  一个苏格兰人提着一只大箱子,坐上了一辆开往伦敦的汽车。上车后,在汽车行驶了5英里的这段路上,他一直在试图躲开售票员。
  售票员最终还是找到了他,并叫他补票:“你已经坐了5英里了,请付50便士,你的箱子还要付10便士。”
  苏格兰人答道:“我是不会付那么多钱的。我只付1便士,因为我刚刚上车。”最后,他们争吵起来。售票员越吵越生气,终于在车子行驶到伦敦大桥上时,抓起苏格兰人的箱子,用力扔出了车外。
  箱子掉进河里,沉了下去。苏格兰人惊呆了,怔怔地站在那里,片刻之后对售票员说:“你不仅向我多收票钱,现在还淹死了我的儿子强尼。”
  Scotsman & Ticket Collector
  A Scotsman; carrying a huge suitcase; has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route; all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector。
  Finally; the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up:“You’ve been on for five miles—that’ll be 50 pennies; please; and 10 pennies for your suitcase。”
  The Scotsman responds:“I haven’t; I want to have a penny fare; just got on this very moment。” They begin to argue; and the ticket collector bee more and more enraged and finally; as the bus is passing over London bridge; he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase; and hurls it out of the bus。
  It lands in the river and sinks without a trace。 The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector; “Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you’re gone a drowned my boy Jenny。”
  五种语言
  1878年,查尔斯·伯利兹的祖父马克西姆良·德·伯利兹开创了伯利兹外语教学法。所以,查尔斯在自己小的时候就已经习惯了在家里听到五种不同的语言。妈妈只对他讲法语,祖父祖母坚持讲德语,一个堂兄讲西班牙语,家里的厨子讲英语,而管家讲的则是盖尔语。
  查尔斯认为这没有什么特别的,他说:“我只是以为不同的人就讲不同的语言。”
  Five Languages
  Charles Berlitz; whose grandfather Maximilian D。 Berlitz inaugurated the Berlitz method of foreign language teaching in 1878; grew accustomed to hearing five languages at home。 His mother spoke to him only in French。 His grandparents stuck to German; and a cousin used just Spanish。 The cook used English and the housekeeper spoke in Gaelic。。 最好的txt下载网

花样年华 第一章(2)
He found nothing remarkable in this。“I just thought that different people spoke in different ways;” he says。
  回 应
  我是一名医药技师,频繁的洗手以及阿拉斯加恶劣的天气,让我的皮肤十分干燥。一天晚上,我在休息前用凡士林膏抹了抹手,并带上了一副旧的白手套。
  我坐在床上看书,手上还戴着白手套,丈夫洗完澡进了卧室。擦干身子之后,他走到壁橱前,选了一条领带开始扎上。
  “你这是干什么?”我问。
  “噢,”他回答,“如果你想正式一点,那我只有这样做了。”
  Respones
  Frequent hand…washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh Alaskan weather bined to give me very dry skin。 One night as I prepared for bed; I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with a pair of old white gloves。
  As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on; my husband finished showering and came into the room。 Drying himself off; he went to the closet; selected a tie and began putting it on。
  “What are you doing?” I asked。
  “Well;” he replied; “if you’re going to be formal; so am I。”
  用沙盖住影子
  士兵们刚刚转移到沙漠中,他们要学习的东西很多,因为他们以前谁也没有到过这样的地方。
  由于沙漠里没有树木和建筑物,所以,想让卡车躲过敌机是十分困难的。因此,士兵们进行了伪装训练,也就是说,把一些东西隐蔽起来,不让敌人发现。教官向士兵们演示了如何在卡车上用浅绿、黄色和棕色画出不规则的图形,然后士兵们用系上了许多小布片的网罩住卡车。
  那个开那辆最大的卡车的司机,费了九牛二虎之力才将车伪装起来。只是涂画这辆卡车,他就花了好几个小时,随后又找来一张网罩住汽车,并用一些大石块把网固定好。万事俱备后,他骄傲地欣赏完自己的作品就去吃午饭了。
  然而吃完饭回来却发现卡车的影子让伪装好的车子暴露无遗,他感到吃惊而又焦虑。随着太阳的西落,影子变得越来越长。他一动不动地看着影子,头脑里一片空白。 这时,一位军官走了过来, 毫无疑问,他也看见了影子。
  “喂,”他对那位可怜的司机喊道,“你打算怎么办? 如果敌机飞过,飞行员一眼就能看出这是一辆卡车。”
  “我明白,长官。”士兵答道。
  “嘿!不要只是站在那里发呆!”
  “我该怎么办呢?长官?” 可怜的司机问。
  “当然是拿起你的铲子,用沙把影子盖住呀!”军官答道。
  Cover the Shadow with Sand
  The soldiers had just moved to the desert; and as they had never been in such a place before; they had a lot to learn。
  As there were no trees or buildings in the desert; it was; of course; very hard to hide their tracks from enemy。 The soldiers were therefore given training in camouflage; which means ways of covering something so that the enemy cannot see where it is。 They were shown how to paint their trucks in irregular patterns with pale green; yellow; and brown paints; and then to cover them with nets to which they had tied small pieces of cloth。
  The driver who had the biggest truck went to lot of trouble to camouflage it。 He spent several hours painting it; preparing a net and searching for some heavy rocks with which to hold the net down。 When it was all finished; he looked proudly at his work and then went off to have his lunch。

花样年华 第一章(3)
But when he came back to the truck after he had had his meal; he was surprised and worried to see that his cannot flage work was pletely spoilt by the truck’s shadow; which was growing longer and longer as the afternoon advanced。 He stood looking at it; not knowing what to do about it。
  Soon an officer arrived; and he too saw the shadow; of course。
  “Well;” he shouted to the poor driver; “what are you going to do about it? If an enemy plane es over; the pilot will at once know that there is a truck there。”
  “I know; sir;” answered the soldier。
  “Well; don’t just stand there doing nothing!” said the officer。
  “What shall I do; sir?” asked the poor driver。
  “Get your spade and throw some sand over the shadow; of course!” answered the officer。
  委婉提醒
  结婚这么长时间,我的丈夫在一些特殊场合时常需要一些委婉的提醒。结婚35周年纪念日的早上,我们坐在餐桌前,我暗示道:“亲爱的,你知不知道我们坐在这两个相同的座位上已经整整35年了?”
  丈夫放下报纸,直勾勾地看着我说:“怎么,你想换换座位吗?”
  A Gentle Reminder
  Having been married a long time; my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion。 On the morning
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