癮nd I’ll see what I can do。”
Returning moments later; he announced; “They’ve gone。”
“How’d you do it?” asked the first mate。
“I used psychology。 I told the Englishman it was the sporting thing to do; and he jumped。 I told the Frenchman it was chic; the German that it was a mand; the Italian that it was forbidden。”
“And how did you get the American to jump?”
“No problem;” said the captain。 “I told him he was insured!”
聪明的翻译
一个正在日本访问的著名作家应邀到一所大学为一大群学生作演讲。由于这些学生中的大部分人都不懂英语,无奈之下,作家请了一名翻译。
在演讲的过程中,他利用很长一段时间讲了一个有趣的故事。最后,他停了下来,让翻译将这个故事译成日语。令他惊讶的是,这个翻译只用了几秒钟的时间就翻译完了,在座的所有学生都大声笑起来。
演讲结束后,作家非常感谢这名翻译出色地完成了工作,作家对他说:“现在,请你告诉我,你是怎样把如此长的一个故事用日语翻译得那么短呢?”
“我根本就没有讲这个故事,”翻译笑着说,“我只是说,‘这个令人尊敬的演讲者刚才讲了一个非常有趣的故事,请大家笑一下’。”
A Clever Interpreter
A famous writer who was visiting Japan was invited to have a lecture at a university to a large group of students。 As most of them could not understand spoken English; he had to have an interpreter。
During his lecture he told an amusing story which went on for rather a long time。 At last he stopped to allow the interpreter to translate it into Japanese; and was very surprised when the man did this in a few seconds; after which all the students laughed loudly。
After the lecture; the writer thanked the interpreter for his good work and then said to him; “Now please tell me how you translated that long story of mine into such a short Japanese one。”
“I didn’t tell the story at all。” the interpreter answered with a smile“ I just said; ‘The honorable lecturer has just told a funny story。 You will all laugh; please。’”
三只狗
在一场狗秀的活动中,人们要选出一只世界上最聪明的狗。有三只狗进入了决赛,它们的主人分别是:医生、建筑师和律师。
最后的比赛是给每只狗一包骨头,看看它们能用这些骨头做些什么。医生说道:“听诊器,上!”这只狗搭了一个人体骨骼。
裁判们想立即给这只狗颁发奖品,但是他们还是决定给每只狗一次机会。
建筑师说道:“滑尺,上!”他的狗建造了一座悬桥。
裁判们左右为难,到底该选哪一只呢?
律师说道:“钻(法律)空子,上!”这只狗吃掉了骨头,对那座桥征收了百分之百的税,并向其他两只狗进行勒索。
The Three Dogs
There once was a dog show to determine the world’s smartest dog。 Three dogs were in the finals。 One dog belonged to a doctor。 One dog belonged to an engineer。 And; one dog belonged to a lawyer。
For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make。 The doctor said; “Stethoscope; go!” The dog built a human skeleton。
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then。 But; they decided to give the other dogs a try。
The ensineer said; “Slide…rule; go!” The dog built a suspension bridge。
The judges were beside themselves。 Which dog would they pick?
The lawyer said。“Loop…hole; go!” The dog ate the bones; got a percentage of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the Fother two dogs。
聪明人生 第一章(1)
自己准备
在校园里广为流传着这样一个故事:有一次,一个学生给他的父母发了一封电报,上面写道:“妈妈,我的功课没有一门及格的,我已经被学校开除了,请爸爸做好准备。”
过了两天,这个学生收到回电:“爸爸已经准备好了,你自己也做好准备吧!”
Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading:“Mom…flunked all courses。 Kicked out of school; Prepare Pop。”
Two days later he received a response: “Pop prepared。 Prepare yourself。”
教育阶段
一天,工程系的主任走进一间教室说:“早上好。”
全班同学异口同声地回答:“早上好。”
“你们是大一新生吧?”主任问道。
班级里一个胆子比较大的同学问主任是如何知道的。
“嗯,”主任说,“当我说‘早上好’的时候,假如是大一的新生,他们也一定会说‘早上好’的。假如他们是大二的学生,他们会轻轻地合上课本,然后集体看着我。大三的学生则会抱着书本,抬起头看我一眼,然后又继续读书。大四的学生则根本无视我的存在,一直看着书。至于研究生班的学生,我向他们‘问早上’好,他们就会把这句话写在笔记本上。”
Phases of Education
The dean of Engineering had once walked into a class; and said “Good Morning”。
The whole class chorused “Good Morning”。
“Hi; you are freshmen; aren’t you?” he asked。
One student bolder than the others asked him how he knew。
“Well;” he said。 “When I say ‘Good Morning’ to a class; if they are freshmen they say‘Good Morning’ too。 If they are sophomores; they quietly fold their papers away; and look at me。 A class of juniors will look at me over the top of their papers; and then get back to them。 A class of seniors will ignore my greeting; and keep reading the papers。 When I say ‘Good Morning’ to a class of graduate students; they write it down。”
作弊者
考试后的一天,约翰逊先生在课堂上把强尼拉到讲台旁边问道:“强尼,我认为你在这次考试中作弊了。”
强尼非常惊讶,要求约翰逊先生拿出证据。“好的,”约翰逊先生说,“我看到你的试卷上有这样一个问题:‘我们的第一任总统是谁?’紧挨着你的那个名叫玛丽的女孩写的是‘乔治·华盛顿’,你写的也是这个答案。”
“当然,每个人都知道他是我们的第一任总统。”
“噢,等一下,”约翰逊先生说,“下一个问题是:‘谁解放了黑奴?’玛丽的答案是‘亚伯拉罕·林肯’,你的答案也是一样。”
“噢,我昨天晚上看了历史书,我记得。”强尼说。
“等等,等等,”约翰逊先生说,“下一个问题是:‘谁在路易斯安娜大收购时期当了总统?’玛丽写的是‘我不知道’,而你写的则是:‘我也不知道’。”
Cheater
In class one day; Mr。 Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test; and said; “Johnny; I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests。”
Johnny was astounded and asked Mr。 Johnson to prove it。 “Well;” said Mr。 Johnson; “I was looking over your test and the question was; ‘Who was our first president?’; and the little girl that sits next to you; Mary; put ‘George Washington’; and so did you。”
“So; everyone knows that he was the first president。”
聪明人生 第一章(2)
“Well; just wait a minute;” said Mr。 Johnson。 “The next question was。 ‘Who freed the slaves? Mary put ‘Abraham Lincoln’; and so did you。”
“Well; I read the history book last night and I remembered that;” said Johnny。
“Wait; wait;” said Mr。 Johnson。 “The next question was;‘Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?’ Mary put ‘I don’t know’; and you put; ‘Me neither’。”
我爸爸不如他爸爸富有
著名的百万富翁约翰·D。洛克菲勒的一位朋友讲述了一个关于他的故事,是他的一个朋友讲述的。
据他的这位朋友所说,虽然洛克菲勒不在意捐赠上百万圆的大钱,可他却十分吝啬一笔笔小钱。一天,洛克菲勒来到纽约的一家旅馆,要求住最便宜的房间。洛克菲勒问道:“你们最便宜的房间一个晚上多少钱?”经理把价钱告诉了他。
“这是你们最便宜的房间吗?我只是自己住,一个很小的房间就可以了。”
经理说:“这的确是我们最小、最便宜的房间了。”接着他又不解地问道,“您为什么要住这样简陋的房间? 您的儿子住在这里时,他总是住最贵的房间,可您却要住最便宜的房间。”“是的,”洛克菲勒说,“他的爸爸是个富翁,可我的爸爸不是。”
My Father