《美丽英文:上帝的笑》

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美丽英文:上帝的笑- 第12部分


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您却要住最便宜的房间。”“是的,”洛克菲勒说,“他的爸爸是个富翁,可我的爸爸不是。”
  My Father Isn’t as Rich as His
  This is a story about the well…known millionaire; John D。 Rockefeller; and was told by a friend of his。
  This friend said that though Rockefeller gave away millions; he was very mean about small sums of money。 One day he went to stay at a hotel in New York and asked for the cheapest room they had。 Rockefeller said;“What is the price of the room?” The manager told him。
  “Is that the lowest priced room you have? I am staying here by myself and only need a small room。”
  The manager said; “that room is the smallest and cheapest we have;” and added; “But why do you choose a poor room like that? When your son stays here he always has our most expensive room; yours is our cheapest。”“Yes;”said Rockefeller; “but his father is a wealthy man; mine isn’t。”
  为钟表加油
  上周六的晚上,电视上播放了一场足球赛,是西班牙队对意大利队。7点钟,球赛刚一开始,我就坐到了电视机前。一个小时后,我的妻子也坐到了电视机旁。妻子在看球赛的时候一副心不在焉的样子。当记时器显示比赛还剩1分42秒时,她突然异常热情起来,“加油,加油!”她从来都不是球迷,我吃惊地望着她,问她支持哪个球队。“哪个也不支持,”她答道,“我在给钟表加油。”
  I’m Cheering the Clock on
  There was a football game on TV last Saturday evening。 The game was between a Spanish team and an Italian team。 I sat in front of the TV at 7 o’clock; when the game just began。 An hour later; my wife came to join me。 She seemed to be absent…minded while she was watching the game。 As the time clock showed one minute; forty…two seconds left in the game; she began cheering enthusiastically; “e on—get going!” Since she had never been a football fan; I looked at her in surprise and asked which team she was cheering for。 “Neither;” she replied。 “I’m cheering the time clock on。”

聪明人生 第一章(3)
老人智慧的迸发
  爷爷在83岁的时候,第一次住进了医院。“这是干什么用的?”他抓起系在枕头旁边的呼叫铃的绳子问道。
  “那是拉铃用的,爷爷。”我回答说。
  他拉了几下问:“我怎么听不到铃响呀?”
  “哦,不是它响,”我解释道,“你一拉这根绳子,护士值班室的灯就亮了。”
  “原来如此!”他愤怒地说,“如果护士想开灯的话,她完全可以自己动手嘛。”
  A Seniors Sparkle
  At age of 83; Granddad went to hospital for the first time。 “What is this?” he asked as he held up the bell cord they had fastened to his pillow。
  “That’s the bell; Granddad。” I replied。
  He pulled it several times; then remarked; “I don’t hear it ringing。”
  “Oh; it doesn’t ring;” I explained。 “It turns on a light in the hall for the nurse。”
  “Well!” he replied indignantly。 “If the nurse wants a light on in the hall; she can turn it on herself。”
  律师咨询费
  一位律师的狗挣脱了绳索,径直跑到肉店,叼起一大块烤肉就跑。肉店老板来到那位律师的办公室理论:“假如有一只没有被拴住的狗从我的肉店里偷了一大块烤肉的话,我有没有权利向狗的主人索要赔偿?”那个律师回答说:“一点不错。”
  “这么说你得赔给我美圆。今天是你的狗跑了出来,偷了我的烤肉。”
  那位律师二话没说, 开了一张美圆的支票。
  过了一段时间,肉店老板在查看邮箱时,看到了一封律师寄来的信,上面写着:请付20美圆的律师咨询费。
  Consultation Fee
  A lawyer’s dog; running about unleashed; beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast。 Butcher goes to lawyer’s office and asks; “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store; do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers; “Absolutely。”
  “Then you owe me 8。 50。 Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today。”
  The lawyer; without a word; writes the butcher a check for 8。 50。
  Several periods of time later the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelopes from the lawyer: 20 due for a consultation
  大猩猩
  一天,一个失业的演员到动物园去参观。失业让他感到很沮丧,因为他必须要赚钱。 在动物园,他看到大猩猩的笼子里根本没有大猩猩,前来参观的人都很失望。因此他开始做出一些搞笑的表情,扮成大猩猩的样子来逗小孩子开心。人们逐渐把他围拢起来。他模仿大猩猩的举动引得人们笑个不停。动物园的管理员发现这一情况之后,就把他拉进了办公室。
  管理员向这位表演者解释说,动物园中最吸引人的大猩猩于昨天晚上突然死了。她害怕来动物园参观的人数会因此而减少。在她找到另外一只大猩猩入驻动物园之前,她会给这个失业的演员提供一份工作,那就是要他穿上一件大猩猩的服装来扮大猩猩。这个演员非常满意这份工作,于是接受了她的提议。第二天早上,这个演员穿上大猩猩的服装,在人群还没有到来之前就钻进了笼子。他非常喜欢他的新工作,想睡就睡,想玩就玩,还可以作弄人。
  他所装扮的大猩猩比他曾经作一个演员时所吸引的人还要多。然而,人们最终感觉不再新鲜,陆陆续续地走了。他注意到人们似乎对他隔壁笼子里的狮子更感兴趣。
  为了重新赢得人们对他的关注,他爬到自己笼子的顶端,接着再爬到狮笼那里,让自己在狮笼的上面飘来荡去;惑得狮子勃然大怒,然而这个举动显然受到了人们的欢迎。一天的工作结束后,动物园的管理员因为他能很好地引起大家的注意,就给他加了薪。书包 网 。 想看书来

聪明人生 第一章(4)
几天过去了,这个演员一直在不停地逗弄着狮子。围观的人们越来越多,他的薪水也越加越多。
  但是,有一天,这个演员手一滑,刚好掉进了狮笼。他害怕极了。狮子皱了皱眉头,正要向他扑过去。这个演员大声尖叫起来:“救命啊!救命啊!”
  狮子将他扑倒在地。这个演员看着这只生气的狮子,狮子开口说道:“快闭嘴吧,你这个笨蛋!你想让我们两个都被炒鱿鱼吗?”
  The Gorilla
  One day an out of work actor visited the zoo。 He was depressed because he was out of work。 He needed to make some money。 At the zoo; he noticed that there was no gorilla in the gorilla cage。 People were disappointed。 He started to entertain little kids by making funny faces and pretending to be a gorilla。 A small crowd formed around him。 People laughed at his impression of a gorilla。 The zookeeper grabbed him and took him into his office。
  She explained to the actor that the zoo’s most popular attraction; the gorilla; had died suddenly the night before。 The zookeeper feared that attendance at the zoo would fall before she could get another gorilla shipped to her zoo。 She offered the out of work actor a job。 He would dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be the gorilla until the zookeeper could find a real one to e live in the zoo。 The actor was happy with the job offer and accepted。 The next morning the actor put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowds started to arrive。 He loved his new job。 He was able to sleep all he wanted and play and make fun of people in the crowd。
  He had more people e watch him as a gorilla than he ever had as an actor。 However; eventually the crowds grew tired of him and started to go away。 He noticed that the people were paying more and more attention to the lion in the cage next to his。
  Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience; he climbed to the top of his cage and crawled across to the lion’s cage。 He dangled from the top of the lion’s cage。 This made the lion furious but the crowd loved it。 At the end of the day; the zookeeper came and gave the actor a raise for being such a good attraction。
  Time passed and the actor kept taunting the lion。 The crowds grew larger; and his salary kept increasing。
  However; one day the actor slipped and fell right into the lion’s cage。 
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