块饼干给狗吃。一个过路人刚好看到了这一切，很不解地说：“你的脾气真好，尤其是那只狗都做了这样的事情，你还给它饼干吃。”
“事实并非如此。”盲人回答说，“我只是想弄清楚它的嘴在哪里，这样一来，我就可以踢它的屁股了。”
Guide Dog
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg； then urinated on its owner。 Calmly； the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog。 A passerby who’d seen everything remarked：“That’s extremely tolerant of you； especially after what he just did。”
“Not really；” came the reply。 “I’m just finding out where his mouth is； so I can kick him in the nuts。”
五百遍
在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭上，一位年轻的女士因为闯红灯而被出示罚单，最后被带到了法官面前。女士向法官解释说自己是一名老师。为了可以赶回去上课，她请求法官尽快解决她的案子。法官闪过一丝狡黠的眼光。说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我要立刻达成我毕生的心愿。坐在那张桌子旁，抄写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。”
Five Hundred Times
In the traffic court of a large mid…western city； a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light。 She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes。 A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye。 “You are a school teacher； eh？” said he。 “Madam； I shall realize my lifelong ambition。 Sit down at that table and write ‘I went through a red light five hundred times。’”
聪明人生 第四章（3）
他的答案只比正确答案多二
杰克·霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练。他总是试图物色优秀的球员，但是优秀球员的成绩往往很差，得不到学校的认可。
有一天，教练领着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，恳请院方同意他免试入学。经过教练的一番劝说后，院长说：“我最好先问他几个问题。”
校长转向学生，问了几个特别容易的问题。而那个学生什么都不会。
最后，院长说：“那么，5乘以7等于多少？”
学生想了很久之后，回答说：“36。”
院长摊开双手，绝望地看了看教练。可是教练十分诚恳地说：“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多2。”
He Was Only Wrong by Two
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an American college； and he was always trying to find good players； but they weren’t always smart enough to be accepted by the college。
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination。 “Well；” the dean said after some persuasion。 “I’d better ask him a few questions first。”
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions； but the student didn’t know any of the answers。
At last the dean said； “Well； what’s five times seven？”
The student thought for a long time and then answered； “Thirty…six。”
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair； but the coach said earnestly； “Oh； please let him in； sir！ He was only wrong by two。”
真正的算命先生
米尔格鲁姆在机场等待登机的时候，注意到了一个电脑秤，它既能称体重又能算命。他把一个两毛五的硬币丢进电脑秤的一个小孔里，电脑屏幕上显示出这样一行字：“你的体重是195磅，你已经结婚，你将要去往圣迭戈。”米尔格鲁姆顿时站在那里发起了愣。
又有一个人过来了， 他也把硬币丢进电脑秤里，屏幕上显示：“你的体重是184磅，你已经离婚了，你将要去往芝加哥。”
米尔格鲁姆很是惊讶。于是，他冲进洗手间，换了一套衣服，戴上了墨镜，又一次走到电脑称前。这次屏幕上显示：“你的体重依然是195磅，你依然是个结了婚的人。只是你刚刚错过飞往圣迭戈的飞机。”
A Real Fortune…teller
While Milgrom waited at the airport to board his plane； he noticed a puter scale that would give your weight and a fortune。 He dropped a quarter in the slot； and the puter screen displayed：“You weigh 195 pounds； you’re married and you’re on your way to San Diego。” Milgrom stood there dumbfounded。
Another man put in a quarter and the puter read：“You weigh 184 pounds； you’re divorced and you’re on your way to Chicago。”
Milgrom was amazed。 Then he rushed to the men’s room； changed his clothes and put on dark glasses。 He went to the machine again。 The puter read：“You still weigh 195 pounds； you’re still married； and you just missed your plane to San Diego！”
一元钱
老师问汤姆：“你今天早上为什么迟到了？”
“有个人丢了1元钱。” 汤姆回答说。
“噢，我明白了，是你帮助他找到钱的。”老师说。
“不，我一直站在那1元钱上，直到所有的人都走了。” 汤姆回答说。
One Dollar
The teacher asked Tom：“Why did you e to school so late this morning？”
“Someone lost one dollar。” answered Tom。
“Oh； now I know； you helped him find the money；” the teacher said。
“No； I stood on the money until the person went away；” was Tom’s reply。
。。
聪明人生 第五章（1）
聪明的博比
布朗因自己的小儿子而格外自豪。有一次，他跟一位客人炫耀他的儿子有多聪明。
布朗说：“他才两岁，就能辨认出所有的动物了，他肯定会成为一名出色的自然学家。来，让我演示给你看。”
他从书架上拿下一本自然书，把博比抱到膝上，翻开书页。他指着一张长颈鹿的画片。
“博比，这是什么？”
“马马。”博比回答。
他又指着一张老虎的画片，博比回答说：“猫咪。”然后布朗又指着一张狮子的画片，博比说：“狗狗。”
他又指着一张黑猩猩的画片，博比说：“爸爸！”
Clever Bobby
Brown was very proud of his young son。 Once he was talking to a visitor； telling the man how clever his son was。
“The boy is only two years old；” he said； “and he knows all animals。 He’s going to be a great naturalist。 Here； let me show you。”
He took a book of natural history from the bookshelf； placed Bobby on his knee； opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe。
“What’s that； Bobby？”
“Horsey；” said Bobby。
Next a tiger was shown； and Bobby said； “Pussy。”
Then Brown showed Bobby a picture of a lion； and Bobby said； “Doggy。”
And when a picture of a chimpanzee was shown； Bobby said； “Daddy！”
数学没及格
我的儿子是印第安那市曼西尔波州立大学的学生，大学一年级的时候，他的名字就被列在了系主任的表扬名单上。大学二年级的时候，他学的是心理学。刚开学没几个星期，他就往家里打了一个电话。
“妈妈，”他兴奋地说，“我已经找到了在大学生存下去的答案！分数不是最重要的，重要的是具备如何把学到的知识应用于日常生活的素质。幸运的是，我拥有了这种奇妙的经历！”
“你说的这些究竟是什么意思？”我问道。
“我数学没及格。”他回答道。
Flunking Math
My son； who made the dean’s list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie； Indiana； called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student。
“Mom；” he said excitedly； “I have found the answer to surviving college！ It isn’t the grades that are so important； but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life。 I’m lucky to be having these wonderful experiences！”
“And just what does this mean？” I asked。
“I’m flunking math。” he replied。
捎杯牛奶
半夜两点时，科尔肯太太确信自己听到客厅里有贼，就对丈夫说：“别开灯，轻手轻脚地下楼，悄悄地靠近他，别被他发觉。”
科尔肯先生义无反顾地披上外套，前去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口，他的妻子又加了一句：“回来的时候给我捎杯牛奶。”
Bring Me a Glass of Milk
At 2 a。 m。 Mrs。 Culkin was convinced th