科尔肯先生义无反顾地披上外套，前去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口，他的妻子又加了一句：“回来的时候给我捎杯牛奶。”
Bring Me a Glass of Milk
At 2 a。 m。 Mrs。 Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living room。 “Tiptoe downstairs；” she told her husband。 “Don’t turn on the lights。 Sneak up him before he knows what’s happening。”
Dutifully； Mr。 Culkin put on his robe。 Just as he reached the bedroom door； his wife added； “And when you e back； bring me a glass of milk。”
预言
每当邻居家的男子向罗宾逊家走来的时候， 罗宾逊就知道他一定又是来借东西的。
“这次他什么也别想借走。”罗宾逊朝他的妻子小声嘀咕道。书 包 网 txt小说上传分享
聪明人生 第五章（2）
“嗯，我想知道你今天早上是否用这把电动锯？”邻居又开始借东西了。
“噢，真是太不好意思了，”罗宾逊一幅自鸣得意的表情，“其实，我要用一整天。”
“假如是那样的话，”邻居说，“你肯定不会用高尔夫球杆了，你不介意把它借给我吧？”
Prediction
Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house； Robinson knew he was ing to borrow something。
“He won’t get away with it this time；” muttered Robinson to his wife。
“Er； I wonder if you’d be using your power…saw this morning；” the neighbor began。
“Oh； I’m terribly sorry；” said Robinson with a smug look； “but the fact of the matter is； I’ll be using it all day。”
“In that case；” said the neighbor； “you won’t be using your golf clubs； mind if I borrow them？”
从未来访
一个人在商场碰到了他的医生。他停下来问道：“6个星期前， 我去你的办公室，你说让我回家卧床等待你的到来，可是你却没来。”
“我没去吗？”医生说，“那你怎么下床了？”
You Never Called
A guy spots his doctor in the mall。 He stops him and says； “Six weeks ago when I was in your office； you told me to go home； get into bed and stay there until you called。 But you never called。”
“I didn’t？” the doctor says。 “Then what are you doing out of bed？”
地 坑
从前有一个农夫，他家就住在马路附近。
这条马路并不繁华， 偶尔才会有汽车从农场经过。靠近农场大门口的马路中间有一个大坑。
这个坑里总是积满了水。从表面上看，汽车司机根本辨认不出坑的深浅，他们会认为是一个很浅的坑。
一旦车子掉进了坑里，司机们就别想再开出来，因为坑太深了。
农夫没有花多少心思去经营农场，大部分时间都盯着这个坑。
每当汽车开进坑里时，他就用拖拉机把汽车拉上来，然后向司机收取很多费用。
一天，一位汽车司机对他说：“你没日没夜地把汽车往外拉，肯定挣了很多钱吧。”
“哦，不，”农夫说，“我夜里不拉汽车，我还得往这个坑里灌水呢。”
This Hole in the Ground
There was once a farmer who lived near a road。
It was not a busy road； but from time to time； cars passed the farm。
Near the farm gate； there was a large hole in the road。
This hole was always full of water； and the drivers of the cars could not see how deep the hole was。 They thought it was probably shallow。
Then when they drove into the hole； they could not drive out because it was so deep。
The farmer did not spend much time working on his farm。 He spent most of it watching the hole。
When a car drove into it； he pulled the car out with his tractor and charged the driver a lot of money for doing this。
One day； the driver of a car said to him； “You must make a lot of money pulling cars out of this hole night and day。”
“Oh； no；” the farmer said； “I don’t pull cars out of the hole at night。 At night I fill the hole with water。”
您的大衣着火了
老师为了培养学生先思考后发言的习惯， 便告诉他们在说出重要事情之前先数到50，假如是特别重要的事情，就要先数到100。
第二天，老师在讲课时背靠着火炉。这时，他发现好几个学生的嘴唇在很快地动。 忽然，全班学生一起喊道：“98，99，100。老师，您的大衣着火了！”
聪明人生 第五章（3）
Your Coat Is on Fire
The master； to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking； told them to count fifty before saying anything important； and one hundred if it was very important。
The next day he was speaking； standing with his back to the fire； when he noticed several lips moving rapidly。 Suddenly the whole class shouted：“Ninety…eight； ninety…nine； a hundred。 Your coat is on fire； sir！”
不要和小孩争论
一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。
她的老师说：“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物，可它的嗓子非常小。”
那个小女孩说：“约拿（一位西伯来先知）就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。”
她的老师非常生气，她再次告诉小女孩说：“从身体构造角度来讲，鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”
那个小女孩说：“那等我到了天堂，就去问问约拿。”
她的老师问：“那么，假如约拿下了地狱怎么办？”
那个小女孩回答：“如果是那样的话，你就去问他。”
Don’t Argue with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales。
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small。
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah。
Irritated； the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human； it was physically impossible。
The little girl said；“When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah。”
The teacher asked；“What if Jonah went to hell？”
The little girl replied；“Then you ask him。”
退后两英里
一位农民和他的儿子坐着马车来到一条狭窄的小巷， 他们看到一个司机正往他们这个方向开来。两个方向2英里以内已经没有空间让他们擦身而过了。司机焦急地按着喇叭。
“假如你不往后退，”农民撸着袖子说，“我并不喜欢我将要必须去做的事。”司机甚是惊讶，挂了倒挡，退后了2英里，让马车先过去了。
“刚才你说你并不喜欢做的事是什么啊？”农民的儿子问。
“退后2英里。”农民回答。
Back up Two Miles
A farmer and his son； traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane； met a motorist going the other way。 There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction。 The motorist； in hurry； honked his horn。
“If you don’t back up；” said the farmer； rolling up his sleeves； “I won’t like what I’m going to have to do。” The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles； allowing the horse and buggy to go by。
“What was it you wouldn’t have liked to have done back there？” asked the farmer’s son。
“Back up two miles；” replied the farmer。
妇女的回答
丈夫问他的妻子：“上帝为何要创造出漂亮却又愚笨的女人呢？”
“这个啊，”妻子马上回答说，“很简单，上帝让我们这么美丽，男人才会爱上我们啊；上帝让我们这么愚笨，我们才会嫁给你们啊。”
A Woman’s Answer
A husband said to his wife； “Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish？”
“Well；” his wife answered at once。 “The reason is very simple。 God made us beautiful so men would love us； God made us foolish so we would marry them。” 。。
聪明人生 第五章（4）
人尽其才
一天，一个小男孩手里拿着一张清单，急匆匆地走进一家杂货店。
“史密斯先生，你好。” 他说，“3毛2分钱1磅的咖啡，请给我13磅。”
“好的。”杂货店老板飞快地记了下来。
“还需要别的东西吗，查理？”
“是的。再要27磅糖，9分钱1磅的。”
“要不要面包呀？ 还需要什么？”
“七磅半咸肉，2毛钱1磅的。”
“肉是名牌的，还要别的吗？”
“9毛钱1磅的茶叶，给我来5磅；8分钱1品脱的糖浆，要11夸脱半；2毛1分钱的大火腿，要两个8磅的；2毛4分钱�