Having been married a long time； my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion。 On the morning of our 35th anniversary； we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted； “Honey； do you realize that we’ve been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years？”
Putting down the newspaper； he looked straight at me and said； “So； you want to switch seats？”
我这是在哪儿
兰特住在英格兰的一座小镇上。他的假日一直都是在这里度过的，可是去年，他想：“我从来都没有出过国。我的朋友们都很喜欢去日本度假，今年我也准备去那里。”
他先是去了马德里，并在一家小旅馆住了几天。来到这里的第一天，他一早起来去散步。在英国，人们都是靠左行驶，但是西班牙人都是靠右行驶。兰特忘记了这点，于是在他穿过一条繁杂的街道时，不幸被一辆自行车撞倒了。
兰特在地上躺了几秒钟，随后坐起来问道：“我这是在哪儿？”这时，路边正好有一位老人在卖地图，于是他立即走上前去，对兰特说：“先生，买地图吗？”
Where Am I
Nat lived in a small town in England。 He always stayed in England for his holidays； but then last year he thought； “I’ve never been outside this country。 All my friends go to Spain； and they like it very much； so this year I’m going to go there too。”
First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few days。 On the first morning he went out for a walk。 In England people drive on the left； but in Spain they drive on the right。 Nat forgot about this； and while he was crossing a busy street； a bicycle knocked him down。
Nat lay on the ground for a few seconds and then he sat up and said：“Where am I？” An old man was selling maps at the side of the street； and he at once came to Nat and said；“Map of the city； sir？”
大头娃娃
一个男孩哭着对他的母亲说：“所有的小朋友都嘲笑我，说我有一个大脑袋。” 电子书 分享网站
花样年华 第一章（4）
“别听他们的，”母亲说，“你的脑袋很漂亮。别哭了，去商店买10斤土豆吧。”
“购物袋在哪里啊？”
“没有了，就用你的帽子吧。”
A Boy with a Big Head
A boy cried to his mother； “All the children make fun of me。 They say I have a big head。”
“Don’t listen to them；” his mother said； “You have a beautiful head。 Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes。”
“Where is the shopping bag？”
“I haven’t got one—use your hat。”
太多了
在一列穿越欧洲的旅游火车上，有一个俄国人、一个古巴人、一个美国商人和一个美国律师。
俄国人取出一大瓶伏特加酒，给自己的旅伴们每人倒了一杯，然后随手把剩余的半瓶酒扔出了窗外。
“你为什么要这样做啊？”美国商人问。
“我们国家盛产伏特加，”俄国人说，“实际上，我们的酒多得喝不完。”
过了一会儿，古巴人掏出上等的雪茄分发给每个人。他只抽了两口，就把手中的雪茄扔出了窗外。
“我原以为古巴的经济颓废，”那个商人说，“可你却把那么好的烟都给扔掉了。”
“雪茄嘛，”古巴人回答，“在古巴一角钱就可以买12支。雪茄多得我们都不知道该怎么办了。”
这位美国商人坐在那里，静静地想了一会儿，然后站了起来，一把抓起律师，把他从窗口扔了出去。
Too Much
A Russian； a Cuban； an American businessman and an American lawyer were on a train traveling across Europe。
The Russian took out a large bottle of vodka； poured each of his panions a drink and then hurled the semifull bottle out the window。
“Why did you do that？” asked the American businessman。
“Vodka is plentiful in my country；” said the Russian； “In fact； we have more than we will ever use。”
A little later； the Cuban passed around fine Havana cigars。 He took a couple of puffs of his and then tossed it out the window。
“I thought the Cuban economy was suffering。” the businessman said。 “Yet you threw that perfectly good cigar away。”
“Cigars；” the Cuban replied； “are a dime a dozen in Cuba。 We have more of them than we know what to do with。”
The American businessman sat in silence for a moment。 Then he got up； grabbed the lawyer and threw him out the window。
真扫兴
大约在我们结婚5周年纪念日的两个星期前，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我告诉他我想要一件浪漫却又不切实际的东西。
结婚纪念日的那个晚上，他送给我一个非常可爱的金手镯。
“是一个由4个字母组成的单词促使我为你买下了这件礼物。”他温柔地说。
“哦，太浪漫了，”我轻声说道，“是Love（爱）？”
“不是的，”他答道，“是Sale（甩卖）。”
The Thrill Is Gone
About two weeks before our fifth anniversary； my husband asked me what I would likefor a gift。 I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic。
On our anniversary night； he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet。
“A little four…letter word made me get this for you；” he said softly。
“Oh； how sweet；” I whispered。“L…O…V…E？”
“No。” he replied。 “S…A…L…E。”
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花样年华 第二章（1）
靶 子
我的厨艺一直以来都是全家人取笑的对象。一天晚上，由于晚餐准备得太快，弄得厨房里全是烟雾，连烟雾探查器也响了起来。虽然我的两个孩子在学校里都接受过防火安全训练，然而他们对警报却毫无反应。我很生气，怒气冲冲地在房间里到处找他们。
我在浴室里找到了正在洗手的他们。我的声音大过了警报声，要求他们辨别那种声音。
“是烟雾探查器。”他们不约而同地回答。
“你们知道那种声音代表什么吗？”我问道。
“当然，”大一点的孩子回答，“晚饭已经好了。”
Target
My cooking has always been the target of family jokes。 One evening； as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly； the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off。 Although both of my children had received fire…safety training at school； they did not respond to the alarm。 Annoyed； I stormed through the house in search of them。
I found them in the bathroom； washing their hands。 Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm； I asked them to identify the sound。
“It’s the smoke detector；” they replied in unison。
“Do you know what that sound means？” I demanded。
“Sure；” my oldest replied。 “Dinner’s ready。”
狗的坏习惯
作为一名专业的驯兽师，我对自己的狗养成的一个坏习惯感到很苦恼。每当我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣绳上时，它总会猛地把衣物全扯下来。对此，我必须要采取严厉的措施。
我在绳上搭了一条白色的厨房毛巾，每当它把毛巾扯下来时，我就会训斥它一顿。两个星期后，它再也不碰毛巾了。于是，我把许多洗干净的衣服搭在晾衣绳上后，就出去办事了。等我回到家时，洗好的衣服分散在院子的各个角落，只有那条白毛巾依然搭在绳子上。
A Dog’s Bad Habit
As a professional animal trainer； I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit。 Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline； she would yank it down。 Drastic action was called for。
I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited。 Each time she pulled it off； I scolded her。 After two weeks the towel was untouched。 Then I hung out a large wash and left to do some errands。 When I came home； my clean clothes were scattered all over the yard。 On the line was the white kitchen towel。
谁最臭
—个零售商、—个银行家和一位政客在森林里迷了路。最终，他们来到一家农舍前，并询问主人能否在他家借宿一晚。
“当然可以。”农户说，“不过，我的房间里只能容纳你们中的两个。另外一个人要和牲口们睡在牲口棚里了，那里的气味实在糟糕。”
“我去牲口棚睡吧。”银行家自告奋勇道。
半个小时后，农夫的房门便被敲响了。银行家喘着粗气站在那里，说道：“我实在忍受不了那里的气味。”
“好吧，”零售商说：“我去牲口棚睡吧。”说完，转身便去了。
没过多久，又有敲门